Are you a painter? A wisher? A magic bean counter?

If you are a dreamer, come in

If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer.  If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!

–Shel Silverstein

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Really, i want to do this

Why I can’t get into a rhythmn with this blogging is beyond me. There is *so* much to share. Yet, i allow it to stay in my brain. Need to work on that. 

 

I want to come up with a plan for my ultimate mornings. This is what it would look like:

*Yoga/Walk

*Morning clean up (although, in a super perfect world most clean up would occur the night before)

*Shower

*Work on a writing prompt

 

Being that i awake by 6:00 each morning, I think this plan is totally doable.  

Yoga or Walk

 

once

i fail at blogging, despite the constant chatter in my head. Perhaps the writing course will change all of this.

Each day i wake with a song in my head. i’m beginning to wonder if the songs that are chosen are meant to be clues to my emotions for the day.

today, i have a song from the movie/show Once. It’s more the tune that is in my head. Still, it’s there, there on repeat.

not sure what i’m to do with this song.

Nothin’

I’m only publishing something because I want to be in the habit of writing, at least twice a week. But really… I got nothing. Here are true random neuron firings….

*Good news yesterday. CEA levels are down….a lot. But the race is not even close to done. So, that kinda sucks. I mean, really. How long will people be up for all of this? This thought scares me. 

*Need to work on the concept that I’m wired a certain way (to be anxious). Need to find acceptance in that. 

*Need to feel productive. 

*So happy that there won’t be detailed discussions about food.

*Watching Glee last night and I so want Heather Morris’s body. Love the muscle tone. 

*I have a friend who works in the ‘industry’. She doesn’t know my news. I’ll tell her at some point. I’m waiting because we don’t really talk all the time but more importantly, I so want to play the cancer card to meet a celeb or two. Just don’t know who and feel like until I know–I’ll wait. How shallow does that make me sound?

*The weather here is amazing. It makes me happy and feel like I can accomplish anything. 

*I smell. 

Sundays and Thursdays

I have decided that I need to make decidated writing days. Otherwise, it isn’t going to happen. As of now my writing days will be Sundays and Thursdays. Or should that be Thursdays and Sundays?

With that said…..

*I’m not fond of my GI track these days. And I fear I spend way to much time in the bathroom.

* Bobbi Brown is a douche

*I find myself spending to much time being afriad of what is to come; yet everyone keeps on saying how brave I am

*I need to focus on tasks, instead of thinking of what to do next.

*My skin is a mess.

*I’m losing weight but still fat.

And it begins

I’ve been wanting to blog for awhile. There are things I want to talk about that go beyond, what I post on FB. Plus, my therapist said I should. I love her.  And then I stumbled upon the Writing on Edge community. And I want to take part in the prompts–another reason to blog presented itself.

 

Then two weeks ago, my life changed course. I went to the doctor thinking I was being a worrier, at worse some really bad hemorrhoids (pleasant, I know) and it turns out I have colon cancer. Crap. Literally and figuratively. While, I have a site that is keeping friends updated. I feel like I need another outlet.  There I just want to stay to the facts, with a touch of humor. Here, well, here I want to explore this journey. Good, bad and ugly.

That said, there is more to me than this diagnosis. I’m a mom, wife, friend, daughter. I live a charmed life. And I’ll be damed if cancer is going to change that.

My husband is very concern with me sharing to much on the interwebs. So, I’ll refer to him as ‘my light’ or husband. We also have a child and I’ll refer to the child as ‘my heart’. Me, I’ll go by Beatrice. More on that later.