to early

It’s 3.13 am on tuesday. i.m 3 days out from my second infusion and likely 2-3 days from getting my period.
i’m a mess.

i want to be fixed. i want people around me to stop asking me questions and just make things so. i don’t want to feel the port on the side of my neck or the strange tingling that hurts so much if i come into contact with cold.

i want it to be ok to have my mom here and know that won’t cause extra stress. Or not have to confront my father about asking to borrow money from us. i want to be able to call my mom and tell her what my dad did.

i’m exhausted and wide awake at the same time. I’m hot and cold also at same time.

i’m a hot mess.

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